a is for awesome, b is for badass - n

You know what naps are? Great. They’re just the best.

Plus, they’re totally badass now. They’re called power naps. They’re for powerful people, not just lazy, degenerate losers. Because sleep often gets a bad rap. It’s like – where’s Simon? He went home to get an early night? What a loser. Sleeping isn’t fun, and we’re all having fun here bitching about Simon being a loser for needing sleep like a normal human.

I’m totally with you, guys bitching about Simon, by the way. Sleep isn’t fun. And don’t even get me started on dreams. But poor Simon, whoever he is, never invited all his backstabbing mates over for a thrilling 8 hours of lying down. He’s not trying to convert anyone – he’s just doing what his normal, non-robot body needs. Do the same bunch of turncoats get on at James for eating organic carrots? “Oh that James is always eating organic carrots, what a loser” – no-one says that.

And lots of things aren’t fun, but are necessary – like recycling. No-one pretends they enjoy a good bit of rinsing out their empty plastic bottles, or sorting paper and card. But the sensible ones get on and do it. And sleep is a bit like that. We need it. We don’t really know why, yet. Theoretically, with enough fuel, a machine can run continuously – so if we eat enough, we should be able to forgo sleep, altogether. That’s the theory, and like many great theories it has only one flaw – it’s completely wrong and we die.

We die without sleep. Within a few days, if a human is unable to fall asleep their brain pretty much explodes and they die. I don’t want to worry everyone who finds it hard to get to sleep, because the high stakes of the situation may not induce a feeling of calm and relaxation. Really, though, just being alive is a sign that some sleep is being achieved. So take heart – you’re not dead.  

But this installment of a is for awesome, b is for badass is not t – for tangent, so let’s get back on track. Napping, snoozing, if you will, is epic. And now it’s cool, because some scientists (which are also cool) did some research that suggests that napping is not a sign of being a lazy good-for-nothing who can’t handle the hectic pace of modern life, but actually a super-cool way to recharge. Like  a smoothie.  

Taking a nap is like saying “I am an animal, fuck yeah!” And sometimes we all need to remember that we have physical bodies, however painful that can be – especially if you’re plagued with insecurities as to its inferiority. Homo sapiens are advanced animals (not as advanced as our no doubt soon to be alien overlords) but we are still members of the animal kingdom. We need to eat, sleep, and reproduce, and hopefully do those things somewhere not too uncomfortable.

Taking a nap is really embracing our animal natures and saying “robots are super awesome, but so are fleshy, carbon based life-forms like animals” and why not? Animals are pretty awesome – just look at bears. Enough said.

Naps are for people who aren’t afraid to admit that they’re tired, who don’t give a damn about what society or their boss thinks about them being asleep at their desk. Napping makes falling asleep a legitimate choice, rather than something you’re fighting because it would be really, hideously embarrassing. Taking a nap is being proud of the fact that you’re sleepy. Because you work hard, and play hard, and you are going to have a little sleep in the middle of the day, just like all the other mammals – no matter what anyone thinks.

Except that now it’s ok to do this. You don’t have to fight the ever more inevitable closing of your eyes. You can just say “fuck it, I’m taking a nap” and not be ashamed that you can’t make it through a few hours of work without a kip. You can also eat and go to the toilet (though not at the same time, that’s weird) and be proud that you are in touch with your body. You can accomplish the tasks that keep you alive. You are well on the way to being a Functioning Adult Human.

It still isn’t quite mainstream enough, yet, to not feel like a sneaky treat you’re stealing from the powers that be, whoever they might happen to be (it’s probably not Simon, though). This only helps to improve napping’s coolness rating. It’s still underground, and a little bit wrong. But unlike drinking at work, it can be argued to improve productivity, so it’s ok. But it’s still not acceptable enough that it’s lost its edge. Its cool, edgy, not giving a damn attitude.

So go for it – have a quick nap. You’ll like it.