a is for awesome, b is for badass - k

Possibly the most awesomely named tree in the world.

You can imagine how they named it. Everyone was stood around, staring at a tree, wondering what to call it.

“Common coral tree?”

“Too common.”

“Lucky bean tree”

“Too Jack and the Beanstalk.”

Then “umsintsi,” “muvhale,” “mophete,” “kanniedood,” “mokhungwane,” and “umsinsi,” all rang out in rapid succession until some dude said

“Kaffir – boom!” and you can’t argue with that.

It may surprise you to know that the above are all actual names for the tree erythrina lysistemon. It may appear to the untrained eye (as well as the eye that has been practising for 20 years (that’s a long time to practise – get it right (woah, I’m funny))) that soup now is not really a temple of research. But trust me, Wikipedia has been well scanned on this one.

I can’t understand why some people insist on calling it the common coral tree. Firstly, how common are trees that look like coral? Is there an uncommon coral tree, and does that mean the tree is uncommon, or the coral it looks like?” but really (and secondly), when there are names like kaffir boom hanging around, daring you to use them.  

All in all, Wikipedia has a pretty high opinion of the tree I have long admired for having such a badass name. Birds are pretty fond of this deciduous beast, it’s used to treat a variety of medical conditions, it’s considered lucky, it’s not corky, it’s a member of the pea family, and it is often planted on the graves of Zulu chiefs as it is regarded as a royal tree.

Royal? If by that you mean king of the trees, then – boom! You’re correct, sir, the tree with the awesome name will rule all other trees. It really can’t fail with that go-getting attitude. “I think I’ll just sit here and photosynthesise – boom!” it can be heard to remark. And who’s going to argue with that?

So bow down and concede victory to the kaffir boom, king of trees – your name will never be as cool. But the kaffir boom won’t rub it in, for he is gracious and will just bask in the sunlight and grow its apparently magical fruit. But that fruit better be pretty darn magical if it’s going to me more awesome that saying being able to introduce yourself as “Boom, Kaffir Boom.”

The sad twist of fate is that trees can’t talk so can’t introduce themselves, no matter how awesome their name might be. So it’s up to us – we must bring up the kaffir boom in every possible conversation, no matter how unrelated. And don’t forget to shout “boom” for extra awesome.

Long live the kaffir boom!