Firstly, don’t judge me for not washing at 30°C and saving the environment – it was one of those washing machines where you just have the 4 buttons as follows:
wash - warm
wash - hot
delicates (still not kind to electronic devices)
extra rinse
Not that I have to defend my green credentials to you.
If in fact, you were judging me for failing to take proper care of all the mobile phones I have ever owned, then judge away, judgey – I’m obviously a buffoon. You, however, are a judgmental hypocrite, and I hypocritically judge you for that.
Losing or destroying important things is an unmistakable reminder that one is yet to achieve the status of Functioning Adult Human. Other reminders include:
- Missing the last train home and spending the night at the station where one homeless person offers you both food and money, and a second offers to become your pimp.
- Getting locked out of your house and subsequently stuck inside a coal chute.
- Black eyes from kneeing yourself in the face.
At this point, when success appears monumentally beyond reach, it might be wiser (though not necessarily possible) to at least attempt to fail like a gentleman.
So I’m taking my best guess and hoping that along with using the phrase “I’ll wager” and defending one’s honour in a duel, paying proper respect to all the things I have neglected is going as far as is reasonable in order to behave like a gentleman, without actually being a man or being born into the aristocracy in the 1800s.
So, farewell mobile phones – you mostly served me well, and when you didn’t you were a good excuse for not responding to all the crazy people I was trying to avoid. You deserve at least a fitting tribute, and a brief homage to your lamentable fate in the form of the far-too-oft overlooked Venn diagram seems just about as much noblesse oblige as I can summon.
Your Dad has posted a link to your post this morning on Twitter, and so here I am reading it, are you giving up on mobile phones and going back to the 1800s. Sounds tempting if you have the opportunity! all the best Joanna
ReplyDeleteThanks Joanna,
ReplyDeleteI took a look at http://zebbakes.com/ just now - very cool! I love baking but have the tiniest kitchen in the world here in NY. There are submarines with more worktop space. Not quite ready to give up on mobiles, but I'm going to try to give up losing/destroying them... we'll see how that goes. I'm actually a big fan of technology from the wheel to the ipad, but perhaps I have an inner luddite that occasionally bursts out, hulk-like, to wreak havoc upon my possessions. Or I'm just clumsy - who knows?
personally i like to lose my phones by having them in my pocket when i accidentally fall through the ice on a frozen lake.
ReplyDeletebut that doesn't make nearly as good a venn diagram. and the world needs more venn diagrams.
thank-you soupnow!
(ps - this would be the 5th time i've tried posting this. i think i win the 'being bad at technology' game)